5.15.14 Thursday a bright yellow full moon and a cool clear windy day. I take extra care in my ritual bath, a impassioned prayer before doing an all spirit invoking ritual of the pentagram vibrating EHNB for each pentagram with no trace of elemental force. I then focus on the letter “A” glyph and begin the call at 11:03pm
10th aethyr ZAX
Rolling clouds of white energy roll back to reveal the black void. I drift through pulled ever closer to some lofty idea the whole ritual prior to and during were a mass of forgetting and slip ups like forgetting a procedure or even recording the time even pentagram directions, all seemed like the abyss was trying to prevent me passage, or make me feel like I missed something. After many tricks of thinking I was seeing the vision the realization was that I must focus on divinity alone and not any experience of divinity. Demons appeared, emotions, visions, false achievements, wrong thinking, all flashed about from one point to another all attempts in making me stop. The real demon is the slack or forgetting what is the real goal. At times I would THINK I had achieved it but one must persist in thinking only of and about divinity only when YOU vanish and the Samadhi of divinity occurs has the abyss been crossed. Divinity must be all, all within and all without is divine. I experienced myself as fully divine in the divine realm like an infant crawling I began to fully appreciate my new divine self, all was divine, all was god and made of god. 3 angels appeared and they watched me, they were divinity as I was divinity me watching myself, my ancient divine self experience the new integration of fresh divinity in this realm. I saw all experience as divinity both past and to come, like everything was a spring yet to uncoil into creation yet this was false for there was no tension here, just being. I knew that all that was left was to learn of myself as divine in my realm in oneness with myself and all things as in their divine state.
Note: In this Aethyr and all preceding aethyrs the language used should not be mistaken with the experience. These aethyrs are beyond time, space and experience. Imagine all of it happening at the same time. So if I write I am this and then something else I am both of those things at the same time, yet language and writing demand I describe them in a sequential order and as separate things which is not the case. Opposites are merged; something can both be black and white at the same time, eternal and temporal. The images and experiences in the vision are in some ways just symbolic of the true-real force underlying and informing each symbol and vision. Even this note is deceptive in that it can never convey the reality experienced.
5.16.14 Friday LBRP 10:00pm
9th aethyr ZIP
I am in a lovely field of flowers near what looks like a roman palisade or temple of blue marble stone. A young beauty arrives and embraces me and brings me into the temple which was had a cool temperature and felt holy. I was given a green fluid to drink from a diamond-emerald and sapphire cup which I drained. I was taken outside again and I held the girl. Holding her I felt the whole of creations beauty and love. I realized I was what was behind the visions a unity of divine self, Beauty, and Life. The experience of this vision was preceded by and appeared separate from the true reality of the divine underlying it all. I shift back and forth between the vision and pure experience of divine life, love and beauty. This union is experienced on all levels and realms. I am given a wafer to eat and do so I feel solid here. I feel as if every lover who has ever united is just an echo, a reverberation of this experience here and now, like a groove in a record that is played over and over. I felt it was OK and good to be separate and unity at the same time. Experiences are part of the divine as is the unity in non sequence. Through the entire vision I hear what sounds like a sewing machine or a droning pounding vibration. I return feeling self as divine and as a human being.
5.17.14 Saturday IRP four elements 10:55pm
8th aethyr ZID
Kept rising up and emerging through vision after vision, always higher and clearer, it will stop and show a vision such as a cherry tree with ripe fruit bright red. A dragon pouring out of creation and growing four heads breathing the elements at me and in me as a divine sphere pure above and before me flashes. This all happens in sequential order but the “I” the eternal observer behind it all are within and around it as pure experience. I feel light pour down through me as divine power-raindrops of lightning bolts pour down. I and my HGA are one and I am just experiencing the energetic vibrations of this realm as echoes through eternity. Vibrations in water, but each an eternal moment of that experience. This aethyr is like a refined tuned in frequency of an aspect of myself as divinity I am union but also these little divine aspects, the HGA is the Samadhi experience or connection between the unity and the aspect. The subject and the observer are united by the HGA. The aethyr is a higher aspect of the one prior of the beauty-life principle that makes and is within all creation it is the life in me and in you, experience and the HGA connection to other, the HGA’s speech is the inspirations and impressions in the self, like a universal translator. Felt like all acts were magical acts and any ritual I crafted from now on was worked through the experience of divine unity. When I feel done I closed the vision.
5.18.14 Sunday IRP of spirit. 7th aethyr DEO 10:00pm
Heard through the entire vision a low rumbling of an engine or a huge cat purring, the hum of the creatrix herself like ARUMahRUMahRUMAHRUMahrumahRUMahrum. I saw a dark flame before me and knew it was my divine self staring at the flames of my world-universe like a god skrying in flames. I looked up from the flame and as I looked up a dark goddess a reflection of the brilliance of the creation goddess above her. I saw her and ached in loving devotion as she seductively moved, building passion, giving rise to creation. I felt the god of light through this experience like a light through a transparency pouring his light through even the firey creation goddess of light, I felt the above light descend as the goddess of darkness rose in a colomn, the two met and all creation was made. I saw myself as a star now, picked up by a universe making lover of the divine light, her body made of starlight. From where she picked me up from I saw it was an ocean of black night dotted with worlds, my brothers and sisters in creation. These brothers and sisters would become future stars as I am now. I was washed in the Ether of which the substance seemed like starlight, every inch of my being bathed by this vast goddess above me. When washed I was placed in the firmament of the Ether, into a latticework of golden ethereal fire--around me beautiful star children like myself, we shined our light down on our mother and lover stargoddess and all the worlds below. I shined my light below and was in bliss, desire, bursting life and energy, newborn and in love. All the starchildren were a particle, a round orb of light in the giant throbbing pink-purple goddess body of a next level, a new divine level I became her and again was pure bliss, pleasure and delight for and in all things I never wished or wanted to leave here though I always will be there for I now exist on all levels of creation simultaneously. The vision seeps away and ends but the beauty flows through me for some time in waves of delight and Agape love--I feel a new cosmic awareness beyond what was but a planetary earth consciousness of before into a cosmic and eternal consciousness making such a leap it would be like an idiot reaching stellar consciousness in the blink of an eye. The orders of magnitude difference have no known names for descriptors.
5.19.14 Monday half moon waning. 10pm 6th aethyr MAZ
There is a palace or round coliseum mad of onyx that hinted of hues of green or grey but reflected no light or image. I walked down a long corridor made of the same stone which led to a room made of golden bricks. The room was filled with light as 3 angels awaited the one in the center holding a golden cup. I placed my hand out to take the cup as it was offered and it began to pull and rip at me like I was made of old cloth and a portion had been grabbed and pulled, the cup was doing the pulling and I was being pulled into it by a single strand of my being. It pulled until I was empty of this substance within myself that was no longer in me or me. The three angels looked up and said HAIL 3x’s. I looked into the cup and saw it held the night sky. I was then shown a well in the center of the room and I pulled up a wooden bucket from it by a rope and then drank directly from the bucket the pure waters within. These filled me with new living and eternal organs I was a divine organism, each organ was like a planetary energy condensed. I was led into a chamber and it held black tapestries with red line work for images one showed an archer, another a smithy, another a victor all in all there were 6 images yet I cannot recall them all. Once shown I was brought to an opening with a door. It had a gold brick archway and I walked through the door back into my body which shone in some wild unknown shimmering light that rolled out of me I knew a personal level of divinity and a unique but different sense of self united with my body.
5.20.14 Tuesday could not spot the moon. 5th aethyr LIT
I am in a lotus with four leaves each a color of an element which opens and I am then in a field on a sunny day. Before me I see a steep rising hill. I ascend it and on either side of me are many chalky marble pillars in a row single file up the hill. I walk up to a marble colored floor colored a sky blue and in the center of the round floor is an altar shaped like a large African drum, chiseled from one giant piece of gray stone. On top of that altar is a pillar of fire. Coming towards me and around me are men made of a shining yet dark metal like steel. These jagged cubist like figures the size of line backers seem alien yet angelic. They say I am not yet a god here so they pick me up and place me on top of the altar, into the flames and I see in the flames shapes-patterns as living creatures, joined in a circle then a pentagram and they tell me to step into the central column of fire. I step forward and I do not burn, but flash upwards like a bolt. I am like in a hyperspace worm hole of some kind flying to a crack of light in the universe I enter in crawling through the crack and it feels like I am leaving a heavy, fleshy realm beneath me into a realm of light. I see above me what seems like a sword of epic size and dimension is actually an arrow with a shaft of gold intricate designs with jewels inlaid and atop the shaft is a massive thunderbird or bird god. The whole arrow is large than a building, and it bolts straight into my diaphragm and I die. My spirit rises up and I enter NO-THING but a blissful void of delight and silence. I look upwards and return to a realm I have always existed in the NOTHING and I was NOTHING. Total oblivion but it was ME. I was then like a bullet blasted down and returned to the altar and the world seemed hardened and distinct. The metal angels are there and praise me and I bless them. I expand outwards and can see the whole of creation and experience any level of that creation, almost like looking in a fridge and selecting an item, I felt master over all. I was shown all the connections and ideas connected to various letters in kabbalah which are called in their magical speaking and what they do. The more associations added the deeper and more complete the vision relating to an aethyr or doing magic is. There is a feedback loop of programming the letter then experiencing it causing a deeper experience which causes new programming which leads to new experiences.
5.21.14 Wednesday 9:33pm 4th aethyr PAZ
A hallway that is steeped like a pyramid is before me which leads into a force or energy which shone like a vibrating purple jewel. The radiating force makes all of creation, I then saw the creative matrix within the void and how it overlaid the void. Electric matrix and magnetic void, like a volt in eternity. Infinite regress of levels from matrix to void. All of it making a unity of consciousness within the divine mind. This fractal like pattern of matrix and void, electric and magnetic is also the yin-yang of Self and Other, the “I” constantly projecting from self the aspect of outside or other and then desiring to merge with it, the merger creates a new self which then projects a new other, on and on making up all of creation., starting with Unity, and separation, electric and magnetic, elements, planes and spheres, worlds, people, everything. In this I was the Unconcerned “I” watching all of this unfold within and around me. On this level all things are seen as gods, all aspects of creation are just divinity projecting something new and exploring it. I felt enlightened and in a state of bliss, aware that the void or anything outside of myself is a lie, all is “I” just small projections of my divine self. All is god and all things are god experiencing their projected self as other in a divine union like lovers uniting. All is paradise, joy, freedom, laughter, enlightenment. Sex is just the physical example of the self projecting other experienced as a void out and then wanting to be a part of it, that desire for union that connection is as mentioned prior the HGA, so union with the new self, a new god that wishes to create anew is born. Everyone is a god on all levels doing exactly what they will and want, all is free creative play, Do What Thou WILL really is doing what you want, that is all you CAN do, god on all levels, loving under the will of creation, will creates desire-other-void to love and unite with, everyone is a smiling Buddha, everyone is in Heaven, reality is Heaven because no matter what you are experiencing the divine you chose to experience just that, on the divine level it is extreme pleasure and bliss even in the most tragic of situations because we are all immortal, all gods playing and loving the experience of LIFE. You are literally doing whatever you want at all times; there is nothing else you can do! Even the most seemingly unenlightened person is truly a god in total bliss-everyone is in heaven even if it seems a hell.
5.22.14 Thursday invoking spirit pentagram ritual 9:30pm 3rd aethyr ZOM
I became aware of a vast space--emptiness all about me, I am a transparency held up to the black void, not a form but an outline, I expand and see the ALL and I become the ALL, which is NO-THING then an eye opens, a yellow human left eye. It projects from it all creation out of which I am but a beam of light among all things as beams of light. I then unite with the eye and I am the center of creation. I am the Great and All Seeing Eye. Creating all things as I see them; I create as I see and I see because I create. I am a sun pouring out of myself in all directions. I see three angels in purple robes. One with a dog’s head like a basset hound and two with the heads of dove’s that shined their light on me. I see before me now “B” with a sword in his left hand and a wand of light in his right hand. I become “B” and felt perfect peace and all things as powers of my creative strength. I am both the void and the beyond, the creative directed EYE of Unity. I am the greta magician sitting in the void, the eye of creation having made me to do its will. I place the circle and elements, gods and angels through all of creation to complete my ritual of which creation of the universe is the result. I see each trot card as an aspect of the aethyrs force within, each a representation of my personal creative force, the forces I made. Each card a doorway to that state, to enact my will. My design, my motivation for creating something is my true will and how I experience and create and exist in all things. I then felt a strong urge to swap the Magus card and the priestess cards in their order because the creative void gives rise to me the Magus. I saw TEX as The World card. By creating images or tarot cards representing these forces in the tarot the forces can be visited and experienced, worked with, and by placing them into the experience of others MY will on earth transforms the earth allowing my will and the world to unite, as more people experience this more people will reach a higher frequency so that people experience a higher level of divinity and can create for themselves as they will, just as all artist and magicians who have crafted the tarot have done for all who followed them. The Universe raises in frequency and a new experience is crafted, a new view or perspective on the aethyrs is reached and we all come one step closer to the god-head. The peace yet feeling of power was a very strong feeling, I simply willed and it was. I noticed an extreme pressure on my third eye, creating is what I am, it is my nature my reason for existing. I then felt like I was in my body and my nose felt like it was breaking but it was the pressure from my third eye as if the eye of creation was burning like a hot electrical sun but it was just a slit burning inside my head. I then blessed the body I resided in, my body so it could handle the experience and experience GOD, and my whole body adjusted, I then returned to bodily temporal consciousness.
5.23.14 Friday invoking earth pentagrams (spirit to earth) 10:20pm 2nd aethyr ARN
I was awash in liquid light, I look up and see a crescent moon from which poured multiple colors but predominantly red (The yods from the Moon card reflect this experience in a minor way) I am the Moon card and the slit of the moon becomes the vagina of the goddess which I enter into the flow through her. Her form is like being completely cozy yet an experience of enticement. The entire universe aches to be within this energy, to seek this bliss. She is seduction, rippling energy like wave through matter. I ache to go ever upwards, into and within. I feel like a spark of light, a spark of consciousness, burning bright and eternal. I AM ETERNAL. I felt all experience from all lives, this sphere is behind all, all fades and just I exist, never to be extinguished or go out. I feel a pull even higher to realize that there is a goddess even higher than the one I experienced in the Moon card. The Pure Void before me. I entered her and became her, filled her. I knew only by merging into the concept of OTHER would I experience the TRUTH, so I entered. As I entered all was annihilated, all was just pure void. I was brought back after a time by four angles carrying me on a litter. I sat back in my room. I was protected on all corners for all time. I found the third way between all expansion and all contraction, perfect balance. The idea behind “TH” I was then finished with the vision. During most of the vision I heard a voice so lovely, like nature filled with passion, calling me forward, up, in. It was lyrical, symbolic speech. However the voice was so hidden I could barely know or recall it except for the fact that it was always there, it simply was. Like silent speech, always there, creating invigorating and causing movement in all things.
5.24.14 Sunday IRP with active and passive (electric and magnetic) pentagrams drawn first then the element in the proper quarter drawn after. 1st aethyr LIL
All creation passed before me . All aethyrs were but myself, and I saw them before me like the body of Nuit which was but myself as other. I rose through each one, flying at incredible speeds through the layers of creation each seemingly infinite. I rise through fountains of egg shaped light, each opening to a vast new creative realm, a higher divine state which is just a tiny sphere in a new vast fountain of light, on and on. Each followed a pattern of self-void-god-goddess then back to self and on and on. After some time I was all things on all levels, I saw visions of light underlying and even more pure than the purest vision of white light. Imagine pure white light, blinding showing a vision of god, yet behind it if one focused there was a purer, more subtle yet clearer vision, and once that light was seen one could see a vision beyond even that, making the prior brilliance seem as dung before this new light, on and on. Finally I see a baby before me, in a disk of blue against a jet black (which was once the highest and purest of lights) I see and adore this child before me for it represent the pure, the life, the highest. It was bliss-ecstatic-electric-divine-life of all through all going through us-me-I-all from life to death, feeding new life and such profound life energy, such vast ocean of pure light and life. I felt my being below-the body doing the ritual and I am made new, a new body as this became my new soul and now all these lofty realms became my soul and my true divine self looking through and on new bodies until I reached an experience of God-Body, God-soul, God-Spirit, God-God and all was just pure GOD. Nothing else. An infinity of Nothings mixed with an infinity of light to make a new wave of greater creations making all both light and void, so great was the truth and beauty of this last level, I tried to experience even higher until an angel appeared and said I could go no further, the last would destroy all that is left human in me. So vast a difference between that experience and the I of flesh and blood, which was at a vibration in sync with all of creation vs the crackling divinity threatening to destroy my being. There are higher and greater realms above but before one could even think of experiencing them physical death must occur to go a step higher. The angel finished and appeared to me as all creation in angelic form, a representative from above to protect me below. There was no higher to conceive in this life possibly achievable, this angel behind the veil of creation said to me, the angel of Death, now made lovely and one’s greatest friend and lover. I returned, passing gods of spirit and matter to the here and now. The room was alive with power and creative potential, true spirit the result of my channel reaching the highest above and so linking that highest with this below. The force of this aethyr leads to the cosmic fool, in order right before the World card which now becomes physical death, the highest level possible is but a fool compared to the consciousness-divinity above and only the beautiful goddess Death allows one to pass the veil to experience this. This is the self made god and the god made flesh, the I and the other facing the true unknown, awaiting the moment of final and blissful initiation into pure god beyond even the highest possible conception of divinity. This is why in the fool card it shows him touching the highest, in bliss yet being devoured and in darkness below, a true channel for spirit on all levels. He is pure, simple and yet host of the divine light of above.
Think of the highest and purest duality having merged and looking, awaiting, expectantly with love, desire and hope for their union with the highest. The angel/god of Death protecting us all, giving the universe form is like a lover about to say goodbye to us her long time lover, her partner and friend, to lose us forever in the oncoming bliss and oblivion of true unity with GOD. Death should be respected, thanked and loved for having given us a chance to develop over the thousands of lives and countless stages of development, urging us ever upward to become gods ourselves, partners in the process of creating the universe until we are finally ready to be born into what can only be perceived as total oblivion from this stage, but who knows what lies beyond it, for there is no reincarnation beyond this point, no turning back, no seeing what awaits, it is the true and most powerful mystery from which even she is unable to speak of. She is our final initiator, our gate keeper, our partner saying goodbye forever to one she raised and loved. Will you one day step past her threshold or choose to stay with her one more time?